ChickenBrick Studios Forum

[swaGGz]

Okay so yall are prolly gonna get a kick outta this story. It might start off a lil slow but believe me it picks up and just so you know this is a true story and nothin has been exaggerated. Yes, my life is this crazy...haha

10:00pm

I started the night off by goin and pickin up my friend, Steve. We decided we'd go check out this bar that just reopened up on N. Washington St. in Wilkes Barre called Dr. Feelgood's. It was cool. I had a couple of beers, played some pool, mingled wth the crowd, ya kno the usual bar scene. After like 3 games of pool n two Coors Lite drafts me n Steve decide we'd go check out Beer Boys, which is another bar in Wilkes Barre that happens to be right down the street.

11:30pm

We arrive at Beer Boys n its pretty packed I guess cuz of some band that was playin upstairs. I drank, I danced, prolly made a fool outta myself, but in the end....I had fun here.

2:15am (a lil tipsy) (yes i kno i shouldnt be drivin but i was fine)

I drop my boy, Steve off at his place.

2:30am

I stop at my friend Jay's apartment to see what he was up to. He wasnt answerin his damn phone so I sat there n threw rocks at his bedroom window for a good ten minutes. He doesnt wake up to my assault on his window so i get back in my car n call up my friend Laurien. She actually answers n tells me I could come over. So I head towards her place.

2:45am

MY FUCKIN CAR RUNS OUTTA FUCKIN GAS!!! Thank God tho I was lucky enough to find a good parkin spot. I wasnt all that pissed. Laurien didnt live that far away. Maybe like a 30 or 40 mins walk from where i was at. I figured i could leave my car here overnight n get gas for it in the mornin. So i was chipper about it. Locked my doors, pissed in someones bushes, n headed in her apartments' direction.

3:00am (still tipsy)

I make it like 2 blocks n i hear loud music comin from a house. I was kinda by King's University so I had a good guess that it might be a party. Did i mention i was still tipsy? Yea cuz I walked right into this house. Thank God my intuition was correct. It was a Kings party. A guy immediately runs up to me n asks who i was. I tell him about my car n told him i was waitin for a friend to call me back to help me out. I know i kinda lied to the guy bout the whole waitin on a friend to call back but hey it wasnt hurtin anyone. He was cool with it n offers me a beer. I thank him n join the party. More drinkin n dancin ensues...

4:00am (completely throwed)

The party was alot of fun. But all good things come to an end. I said bye to everyone in my best drunken demeaner n hit the trail to lauriens again.

4:10am (fuckin bombed)

So im like by Rodano's Pizza, across from Kings College, on Main St. in Wilkes Barre. Im walkin down the sidewalk n this girl is walkin towards me. She walks up n approaches me.

"Lookin for a good time???" she says to me.

First let me start off n tell you what this girl looked like. The first thing I noticed was that she was missin all of her front teeth. She prolly got them kicked out durin a hooker fight over whos corner was whos. She looked about the same age as me but looked real beat n worn out. Like shes been workin the streets for some time now. Her voice was real harsh. Not manly but deep for a chick, if you can even call her a chick. She was skinny, hair in a bun, and plain n simple ugly as f*ck. She was the poster child of what a Jerry Springer guest should look like.

"20 bucks n I'll suck your d*ck" is what she says next.

Now i would have never done what i did next but i was pretty damn drunk. No i didn't say YES to her "gumming my d*ck offer".

I told her no thank you but if she wanted to have a cigarette with me Id give her one. She says yes n we pick a spot in a parkin lot to sit. We sit down on a curb n i start askin her questions like "how are you?", "where you from?", stuff like that.

Then i start grillin her about how she shouldnt be out on the steets hookin. Tellin her that shes better than that. I lied to her even, tellin her shes a pretty girl n could do soo much better than this. I felt real good bout what i was sayin.

Her answer to all of it was, "How the f*ck am i gonna feed my baby?" in her best trailer park/ghetto accent.

So then she asks me again "So are u gonna give me 20 dollars to suck ur d*ck?" I reply by sayin, "NO, im not gonna support u bein a hooker". Then she goes, "I could be makin money right now but im wastin my time talkin to you. My baby needs to eat!"

Right about this time is when 2 guys start walkin on over towards us. One white dude and one black dude. She immediately springs up n goes n hugs the white guy sayin that he was her brother. i found it hard to believe seein how he had all of his teeth from what i can see. Both the guys looked normal as can be. They would pass as college students so i wasnt really shaded out by them plus my beer balls were on high. I just didnt get why they associated with her. Oh well i didnt really care either.

So they talk for a lil and we're all sittin on the curb when all of a sudden she starts sayin sh*t like "this guy wont give me any money and is tryin to pimp me out". Now i was really caught off guard with this and go "i wasnt tryin to pimp u out. I was tryin to tell u that u can do better for yourself than pullin tricks on the street". The guys were silent and she kept sayin stuff over n over like she needs to be makin "that money". So i figured it was time for me to go. I tell them im gonna start walkin home.

They, the great human beings that they are, tell me that theyre headin my way too so theyll walk with me. Man arent they great ppl? Keepin me company as i walk to Lauriens. I hope you can sense my sarcasm.

So right about now I'm like a block away from Public Square. Maybe like 10 mins away from Lauriens apartment.

We're walkin. I got the hooker and the white dude walkin in front of me and the black guy walkin alongside of me.

The black dude turns to me n goes "You tryin to pimp my girl?"

I give him a face like what the f*ck, and say "no i wasnt tryin to pimp ur girl!"

He looks forward n we start walkin again.

A minute goes by and again the black guy turns to me this time with a lil more emotion behind it, "you tryin to pimp my girl?"

I stop walkin in my tracks n yell at him "LISTEN IF YOURE GONNA ASK ME THE SAME STUPID FUCKIN QUESTION OVER AND OVER, IM GONNA GIVE YOU THE SAME STUPID FUCKIN ANSWER OVER N OVER!" i continue on sayin, "look im not into talkin to stupid ppl that keep askin me the same sh*t over n over so im gonna do myself a favor and walk on the other side of the street."

So i start walkin across the street. As im walkin, the TOOTHLESS WONDER starts runnin at me. She runs up into my face sayin sh*t like ur tryin to pimp me out n make money off of me. The all of a sudden...SLAP!!! she slaps me across my face. I just start grinnin n laughin n i say, "go ahead try that again." And of course she repeats the process of SLAPPIN me across my face.

At this point i can see over her shoulder that the 2 guys are runnin at me full speed. So Im like great theyre gonna jump me. Now never once was i scared but Im not stupid. I cant take 3 ppl on at the same time and plus i had no clue if any of em had a weapon. So i start running.

I had full confidence in myself that I could run faster and outrun these fools but what i didnt expect was for my drunken dumb stupid a** to trip over a friggin curb n fall to the ground. As soon as i fell they were all on top of me. I curled up in a ball figurin they were all gonna try n stomp my face in.

But nope. They went straight for my a**. All i could feel is multiple hands feelin up my a**. So Im like great, theyre gonna fuckin assrape me right here in the middle of the street. But it was over before i knew it. They grabbed my wallet n ran away.

I get up n see them all runnin. So i start chasin them n screamin for them to give my wallet back. I pull out my cell phone n call 911 while still chasin after them. For a good two blocks i chase after these degenerates while still on the phone with a 911 operator explainin where i was n what happened. i lose em in a parkin lot. They must have ducked into a good hidin spot or snuck out between 2 buildings. Whatever their escape plan was, they were nowhere to be found.

I go back out on the street to go look for my wallet when a squad car finally comes. Just like a cop to show up already after i really needed him. f*ck Cops! Sorry just felt the need to say that. I tell the cop what happened n tell em im gonna go see if i can find my wallet anywhere alongside the street. He tells me after im done to go back to the station n fill out a police report. I agree n he leaves. Up and down the street i went searchin for my wallet but it was nowhere to be found. N i said f*ck fillin out a pointless police report, i was too tired at this point so i just went to Lauriens. Thank God she was still up.

6:15am

I arrive at Lauriens. YAY!

So im guessin ur wonderin what was in my wallet. There was really nothin in it. All my cash was in my pocket. I had no credit cards to lose. The only things that i had were ID's, my social security card which i was most scared of cuz of identity theft, and some gift certificates (olive garden, tgifridays, and fye). So i could just picture her gettin ready, her brushin her tooth, gettin her baby ready to go out, and goin out to eat with my gift certificates. I guess i answered her question of "how the f*ck am i gonna feed my baby?"

Well i hope you guys enjoyed my story. If you want an update on the whereabouts of my wallet just ask.

[terencela]

I read all of that. In summary, "don't talk to women with no teeth."

[walls]

Lmao damn dude that really sucks funny as sh*t though but sucks

[beastly skills]

did u find ur wallet?

[abbernathy]

I read that all and I'd just like to say that your story was hilarious. Jesus, how do you even remember this?
Down right f*cking awesome story, man.

[HotMama]

I read that all and I'd just like to say that your story was hilarious. Jesus, how do you even remember this?
Down right f*cking awesome story, man.

lmao abbs is right that was f*cking awesome!

I was LMAO the whole time. epic tale

[swaGGz]

About the wallet...

Ok so about 4days later my wallet comes in the mail. The wallet itself looked like it was laid out on a Nascar track n got ran over 1000times or so. Inside were my IDs(obviously cuz that's how someone found my address) and my social security card. The gift certificates....gone. Hope the TOOTHLESS WONDER had a nice time out with her baby.

[terencela]

Don't drink and drive.

[AlexizBOMB]

wow.. best story ever!!

[qambit]

lmmfao classic